HOW TO INCREASE YOUR FUEL EFFICIENCY.

Always drive downhill. Many downhill stretches can be traversed with the engine shut off entirely, for an effective fuel consumption of ∞ m.p.g. When you reach a low point on your projected route, sell your car, and buy another one at the top of the next hill.

Remove excess weight, such as luggage, groceries, spare tires, children, doors, bumpers, etc. The heaviest single object in your car is usually the engine, the removal of which can lead to a dramatic dip in your fuel consumption.

Streamline your car by filling in irregularities in its shape with modeling clay. Of all the irregularities in the outline of your car, the one that usually affects fuel economy the most is the deep notch formed by the the obtuse angle between the windshield and the hood.

Instead of gasoline, try oxen.

Inflate your tires with helium to lighten your vehicle by up to 0.000018%.

Drive as fast as possible, so that you arrive at your destination before you have a chance to use very much gasoline.

Fold an origami car, following one of the many popular patterns available on the Internet. Paper is much lighter than the steel and plastics used in the construction of mass-produced vehicles, and you will be driving an original work of art as well as saving fuel.

Instead of going on a driving vacation this summer, sit in your chair at work with your hands on an imaginary steering wheel and say “Vroom, vroom” every once in a while.

Published in: on June 15, 2012 at 7:00 pm  Comments (2)  

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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Dear Dr. Boli

    I am one of your faithful followers…most likely you MOST faithful! I never start the day without reading your wisdom. My computer is completely covered in layers and layers of yellow highlighter ink. I’m writing you today to seek your wisdomous guidance.

    Thank you for the above message. I was so moved that right after reading, I got in my car and drove around; just to be fuel efficient. I had no where to go, just wanted to be fuel efficient. I did the top of the hill one. It didn’t work out quite the way I expected, but each failure is an opportunity for another try, right? Besides, mother is getting the feeling back in her legs, the lawsuits aren’t as bad as people on TV make them out to be and (this is for your more stupidier readership), cops do not snatch licenses away, that only happens on TV.

    As I said, I need your wisdomous omnipotenticular advice. What should I do to increase the fuel efficiency of my bicycle?

    I humbly await your response.

    Sincerely,
    Bopo

  2. […] you for the above message. I was so moved that right after reading, I got in my car and drove around; just to be fuel […]


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