No. 4.—At the American Restaurant.
My name is Ashley, and I will be your server today.
May I start you off with a beverage?
Yes, Miss Ashley, you may start me off with a beverage.
No, you may not start me off with a beverage, because if I give you a beverage order you will take it and move to Barbados and I shall never see you again.
I am entirely neutral on the question of beverages.
What beverages have you to offer?
We have brown fizzy beverages with sugar, clear fizzy beverages with sugar, and electric-yellow fizzy beverages with sugar. We also have brown fizzy beverages with carcinogenic artificial sweeteners.
Do you serve coffee?
Do you serve tea?
No, we do not serve coffee or tea, because they do not fizz.
We do serve coffee or tea, as long as you do not mind it carbonated.
We used to serve coffee, but the health department confiscated our coffee machine.
I will have a brown fizzy beverage with sugar.
I will have a brown fizzy beverage with carcinogenic artificial sweetener.
I will have nothing to drink, because I am a koala bear.
Shall I bring your beverage now, or are you ready to order?
I am interested in knowing about today’s specials, because I love a bargain.
I am interested in knowing about today’s specials, because the menu says “Ask your server about today’s specials,” and I always follow instructions.
Today we have breaded fried pork chops; breaded fried steak; breaded fried chicken; breaded fried zucchini; breaded fried bread; breaded fried shrimp; breaded fried onions; and poitrine de moulard farcie de girolles et de champignons Nebrodini, risotto de choux fleurs et sa sauce de pignons et huile d’olive, breaded and fried.
We have no specials today, because today is not a very special day.
I will have a hamburger.
I will have a cheeseburger.
I will have a cheeseburger, with ham.
Thank you, and I shall put this order in right away.
Thank you, and I shall put this order in when I am good and ready.
Excuse me, sir, have you seen my server, Miss Ashley?
Miss Ashley had to testify in court, but she should be back soon.
Miss Ashley has moved to Barbados, and you will never see her again.
We have never had a server named “Ashley,” but may I start you off with a beverage?
Is the English language a baffling conundrum to you? Perhaps you have not been reliably misinformed.