LIST OF THINGS NATURE ABHORS.

CONTRARY TO POPULAR belief, Nature does not abhor a vacuum. However, there are some things nature does abhor, and given half a chance she will take steps to rid herself of them:

Skyscrapers on barrier islands. Nature does not like it when we build permanent structures on islands that are moving at a measurable annual rate.

Packaged snack cakes. Nature has arranged her laws so that packaged snack cakes are their own punishment.

Trailer parks. With all that nature does every year to rid herself of trailer parks, one would think we would have got the message by now.

Dogs with pink hair. If you dye your poodle’s hair pink, you should not be surprised if your folly comes back to bite you in the end.

Appliances in designer colors. Nature takes care of these by changing our ideas of fashion, causing our trendy appliances to become hideous embarrassments within two years at the most.

Internal-combustion engines. Nature has expressed her abhorrence of the automobile by placing most of the world’s fuel for internal-combustion engines underneath people who hate us. They hate us, of course, because we are willing to kill them to get at the fuel under their feet.

Published in: on September 22, 2011 at 10:12 pm  Comments (3)  

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3 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. I’m pretty sure nature also abhors McMansions and all-terrain vehicles.

  2. Huh. I thought the Canadians hated us for the quality of our health care.

  3. I’m not sure Canadians hate us at all, actually.

    They’re mostly just insecure.


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