In honor of the fourth anniversary of his Celebrated Magazine on the World-Wide Web, Dr. Boli is reprinting some of the most notable articles, stories, poems, and advertisements of the past four years.
SLOTHS ARE FOUND in mattress stores, dormitories, department-store bedding departments, and other places where opportunities for sleep abound. The average sloth requires twenty-six hours of sleep every day. As there are only twenty-four hours in a day (as the discerning reader has doubtless already remarked), the sloth is forced to borrow two hours from the next day. By the end of the week, the sloth has accumulated quite a backlog, and indeed the animal would probably die of exhaustion if it did not take Sunday off to catch up on its sleep. This busy schedule leaves little time for eating, so the sloth’s normal habit is to sleep with its mouth open and hope something tasty falls in. Sloths are distinguished by the number of toes on one foot: as “two-toed,” “three-toed,” &c. These are not different species, but merely different stages: for the sloth continues to grow toes as long as it lives. Eight-toed and nine-toed sloths are not uncommon, and a fourteen-toed sloth is reported at a zoological park in Wheeling.
Surprisingly enough, the sloth signifies Envy.