DR. BOLI’S COMPREHENSIVE HERBAL.

No. 18 in a Series of 253,486.

GROUND IVY (Glechoma hederacea).—The terror of every suburban homeowner, Ground Ivy is Satan’s own creeper, a plant of such infinite wickedness that it can only be described as demonic. It sneaks into a lawn with stealth and subtlety, so that at first it attracts no attention. Then it begins its sinister machinations. It spreads by creeping stems that never rise above the level of a lawn-mower blade, so that it can continue its conquests even in the best-maintained lawns. Those few stems that are cut give forth a characteristic pleasant minty odor, which is in itself almost enough to cause the unwary to think pleasant thoughts about the dastardly invader. In early spring it begins to produce myriad beautiful mid-blue flowers, each of which produces a number of seeds, thus spreading the plague even further.

Eventually, if it is not checked, Ground Ivy can take over a patch of lawn entirely. It is hardly necessary to point out the tragic and lamentable result: a patch of grass that requires weekly mowing and regular fertilizer merely to stay green is replaced by a carpet of uniform green leaves, never rising above a few inches in height, that is covered with blue flowers in spring and again in autumn and gives off a pleasant odor when trod on, and that requires no maintenance whatsoever. If Ground Ivy were allowed to continue its conquests unimpeded, the effect on the lawn-care industry would be devastating. For that reason it is the duty of every right-thinking homeowner to eradicate this pest wherever it grows, for which purpose your county extension agency recommends constant vigilance and the placement of explosive charges wherever a Ground Ivy seedling appears.

Published in: on April 26, 2010 at 9:54 pm  Comments (1)  

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One CommentLeave a comment

  1. Thank goodness the county extension agent hasn’t seen my lawn. I’d be up on charges so fast your head would spin.


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