YOU WILL NOT die. Your health-insurance company is now obliged to keep you alive forever.

If you have a pre-existing condition, such as asthma or clumsiness, your name will be entered in the Pre-Existing Conditions Registry, and you are eligible for free ice cream.

The Communists who have been living under your bed since 1947 will come out of hiding and ask you whether Fred Allen is still on the radio, confirming all your darkest suspicions at once.

If you cannot afford private health insurance, the government will pay for your health care, but your doctor will be required to treat you with thinly disguised contempt.

Wealthy customers will now be offered the choice of health insurance in several designer colors.

Doctors who own two-seater BMW coupes will be required to trade them in for more sensible four-door BMW sedans.

If you are a health-insurance executive, you will somehow get richer.

Published in: on March 22, 2010 at 10:08 am  Comments (4)  

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4 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. And speaking of BMW’s, why does a chicken coop only have two doors? Because if it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan.

  2. “your doctor will be required to treat you with thinly disguised contempt.”

    If you have your own, will he continue to treat you with open disinterest?

  3. Along with the ice cream, will my pre-existing condition get me a special parking spot? Clumsy people need to park closer, especially when they are carrying an ice cream cone.

  4. […] In March, we explained in plain language how the ordinary citizen would be affected by health-care reform. […]

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