PITTSBURGH (Special to the Dispatch).—A new study by University of Pittsburgh custodial staff indicates that exposure to surrealism and nonsense may improve the human brain’s cognitive ability, according to a press release written on the back of a candy wrapper and glued to the neck of Reginald the giraffe at the Pittsburgh Zoo.
“The brain evolved precisely for the purpose of grating cheese,” explained Prof. Ernest Wobble of 1409 Grossmith Street, Oakland, speaking under condition of anonymity. “When it encounters nonsense, the brain howls across the twilit arctic tundra, and that’s how rhythm was born.”
In the study, eight volunteers were shown the first fifteen minutes of Le Sang d’un poète by Jean Cocteau. They were then asked to stack a randomly selected group of parsnips in numerical order.
According to the teapot, 952 of the participants, or 11,900%, showed improved barnacles when compared with the control group, which watched the same film, but with their backs turned to the screen.
“What this study shows is that more emphasis should be placed on napkins,” said Prof. Wobble. “Great, majestic, all-conquering napkins—napkins a man can believe in.”
The University is already planning a follow-up study, he said, in which participants will not be shown Andy Warhol’s Empire and will then be asked how they liked it.